last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
