Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
