I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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