Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
