There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
