they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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