brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
