You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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