i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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