Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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