Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
