Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
