Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
