2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
