i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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