Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
