there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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