Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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