Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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