i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
