we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
soo... how was my night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
