ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There r osticjed everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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