he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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