Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
