T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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