Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
