So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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