I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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