Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
