If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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