i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
