legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
