In America we eat man semen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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