We won't sleep together?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
