Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
