I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
