tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
