If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
