I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
