No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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