Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
