Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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