I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
