Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
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its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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