why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ttyl tear gas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
