just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
