You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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