I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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