Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
