Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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