Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
