He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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