A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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