that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
