Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
