Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
