all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
