the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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