I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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