so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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