I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
