It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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