Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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