if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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