we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
